Hi!
One of these days I’m going to stop having the urge to put “it’s been a while since I’ve last posted” as the introduction to a post. Oop…
Regardless, I thought I’d share some life updates as of the past year, partly to organize everything nicely in my own head. Enjoy!
Summer Internships
Securing a summer internship was the bane of my existence sophomore year. I still remember the state of emotions I was in last fall, feeling very lost and directionless about what I wanted to do over the summer, much less where I saw myself going in the next five years. In some senses, I felt like I’d been on autopilot since I’ve been in college, cranking out menial tasks in hopes of outpacing the oncoming wave of dread and self-reflection. In my mind, if I was doing something, then that meant I wasn’t doing nothing. I used the brute force method of applying for positions I at least had the qualifications for. I had a slight idea that I wanted to do something finance related, to compound my in-progress economics degree, but not a definitive idea of what. By late fall, I must have spammed hundreds - I mean hundreds of applications amongst big banks, mid-sized financial firms, even startups. Not to much surprise, it was an exhausting process, and my evenings were sucked into dozens of interviews for positions I’m not even sure I wanted. I won’t go into detail on my quant trading/hedge fund phase but as you can imagine, it was bleak. I was ultimately hoping that one of these applications would stick, and I could double down on it later.
To my utter excitement, an offer from one of the most sought-after companies I’d applied to arrived via phone call. I won’t say that this offer didn’t come after its fair share of toils, as the glorious phone call came after countless hours of interview prep, multiple rounds of interviews, and shameless self-advocacy. I’m amazed though, that something so crystalline emerged from the flaming pile of application chaos I’d created earlier. All this to say, I’ll be working as a financial analyst at the Barclays Investment Bank in New York City this summer and I’m extremely thrilled (typing out the word “thrilled” just triggered flashbacks to the LinkedIn internship acceptance posts).
I’m of course excited to be living outside of Maryland for the first time, and for my first paid internship experience in a very energetic, fast-paced city, but something bigger came out of this opportunity as well. For the first time since starting college, I’ve been motivated by a sense of purpose in my classes and extracurriculars. My Macroeconomics Theory class suddenly started to feel loaded as I could finally draw real-life parallels from the ambiguous financial terms to the work I might be doing. Computer science also felt more purposeful, as I’d be able to take on a more computational role at work and find a unique angle for myself as an intern. I can tell this sense of purpose made a significant difference in my excitement going to class and the interest with which I retained important skills and information. It settled the spinning needle in a particular direction, and I could build off this internship as a starting point for my future career goals. I gave venture capital pitch competitions a go, explored the investment groups on campus, and became immersed in the financial side of a political activism club I help lead. I learned a lot about my interests and took some bold risks along the way and I’m so happy with this outcome.
Music
I certainly consider sophomore year a success in terms of music. I’ve been devoting a lot of my time to revising old music and adding a wiser touch to it and it always amazes me how impactful a few years of intuition can be. As to be expected, I’ve also been in the process of writing new music which I feel is some of my best yet, although I tend to always feel like the most recent song I’ve written is my best (I’ll take that as a good sign). I managed to clear my schedule for some time in the recording studio for the first time in two years and I always forget how fulfilling it is. In particular, I’ve been converting a song I wrote last year in college on the guitar into this fast-paced, electronic finished product and in some sense I’m giving some closure to Iris from the past that wrote it. I hope she approves.
I’ve also noticed a significant shift in the way I think of songwriting recently. I think back to the music I’d write early on in high school, and it would be motivated solely by an urge to capture the moment. I was upset at school, I ran home to my guitar and cranked out some verses. Something amazing happened, I’d do the same. This past year, it’s been more about the bigger picture. I would pre-emptively identify topics and themes I’d want to incorporate into an album that would nicely frame that period of my life. Writing music has become less about that momentary urge to get the feelings on paper, and more about narrating my storyline in a way I want to remember it down the road. I’ve found that this shift in music mentality has had positive spillovers into my general mindset as well. For example, I find that there is such a thing as unattractive songwriting, which is usually the product of writing for the wrong reasons like anger, pettiness, and villainization. Naturally, I try to avoid writing that kind of music because I don’t want a period of my life to be represented by a song that reflects poorly on it. Whenever I naturally experience those feelings, I now feel more inclined to push past them in the spirit of “getting to the good part”. Getting to the part where I can write music I actually feel good about.
Friends and Mentality
This section takes the crown for greatest takeaways from sophomore year. Probably the most important lesson I learned is that there’s not always a lesson to be learned from all situations. After a few roadblocks amongst friends this year (an expected phenomenon as the niceties of freshman year begin to wear thin), I found it important to remind myself that a lot of the situations that bring the most turmoil are inherently random and happenstance. It’s not always helpful to draw meaning where there is none since that’s where the real trouble can begin. While that’s the case, I’ve been in the habit of reminding myself not to overthink, and instead taking each situation for what it is.
Then there’s the issue of luck. I’ve always considered myself a lucky person in the sense that I’m confident things will work out for me. Particularly with academics, I could wing anything I did with full expectation of success. I probably can’t remember a time in high school when I stressed over a grade or an application only to be disappointed in the result. This confidence probably took up the space of many due diligences and good habits and my parents had always warned me that my luck might run out one day. With comedic timing, sophomore year in college is the first time I found myself feeling like the luck I enjoyed for the longest time had run out. There have been many points this past year my academics have taken unprecedented hits but I’m now in the process of reorienting myself to cultivate those habits I skimped out on earlier. Hopefully the halfway point in college isn’t too late to start, but I’m starting to fill the gaps that used to be reserved for “general intuition” with concrete work and it certainly feels like a more sustainable way to go.
To end on a bittersweet note, I’ve found myself pondering a lot this year about the dichotomy of living in my college bubble and returning home. Home friends don’t always cross my mind when I’m at school, but maybe it’s something about being back in my childhood bedroom for winter and summer breaks. I find myself wondering how to neatly file away high school friendships that are stuck at an in between. Is it always worth sorting these things out or are some questions best left unanswered? I’ll maybe report my findings.
I hope you’ve enjoyed your read and I hope to write again soon :D